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Locating Yourself

Locat­ing Your­self  —  most define them­selves using lists. You just might be, only, what you enact. Let’s look at the ways we cat­e­go­rize our­selves  —  and pro­pose an alter­na­tive. When asked about Locat­ing Your­self  —  asked the ques­tion “Who are you?” most peo­ple rhyme off a list. They start with where they belong, and give you their […]

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Being a Mirror

Being a Mir­ror is all about help­ing oth­ers to hear them­selves by reflect­ing back, with­out judge­ment. I sus­pect that the rea­son that most cou­ples have prob­lems with com­mu­ni­ca­tion is that they have grown up wit­ness­ing poor com­mu­ni­ca­tion.  So let me define a few things that good com­mu­ni­ca­tion is not. Good com­mu­ni­ca­tion is not: Good com­mu­ni­ca­tion is: Most

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Things Change When You Do

Things Change When You Do  —  this is about is how we deal with events that seem larg­er than life.  Typ­i­cal­ly, these events are cat­e­go­rized as “This is not fair!”  Gath­ered under this umbrel­la are things like death, ill­ness, acci­dents, glob­al cat­a­stro­phes, abuse, and the like. Dar­bel­la and I once led a sem­i­nar. One of the par­tic­i­pants was

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Setting Boundaries

Set­ting Bound­aries  —  one source for stress is a lack of bound­aries, AKA the inabil­i­ty to say no. What Are Bound­aries? Per­son­al bound­aries are emo­tion­al, phys­i­cal, and men­tal lim­its that we estab­lish. Bound­aries dif­fer from per­son to per­son, and are: Set­ting bound­aries is a per­son­al respon­si­bil­i­ty, root­ed in self-care and a desire to cul­ti­vate well-being. The premise is that no one and noth­ing can

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On Finding Your Flexibility

Find­ing Your Flex­i­bil­i­ty  —  Some years ago, the Work­er’s Com­pen­sa­tion Board in Ontario invit­ed me to start work­ing with injured work­ers. Dar­bel­la and I taught them med­i­ta­tion, qi gong, and some yoga stretch­es.  We thought we were going to take the project province wide, but then the gov­ern­ment shift­ed pri­or­i­ties, and stopped hir­ing out­side consultants.

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Finding Your Flexibility

Cling Static

We get cling sta­t­ic when­ev­er we find our­selves grasp­ing onto some­thing (or push­ing it away–in which case we’re cling­ing on to not hav­ing it.) Today’s top­ic is addressed more ful­ly in my book, Half Asleep in the Bud­dha Hall. One of the ear­li­est teach­ings of the Bud­dha con­cerns the nature of life, and is often called the Four

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