# The Phoenix Centre Press

> Books, Tools, Resources for  Zen-based Living and Conscious Relationships


## Posts

- [A New Model for Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/a-new-model-for-relating/): In order to have a better relationship, you have to change how you are doing things. You need a new model for relating. So, here it is!
- [Tools for Relating -- Having the Best Relationship Ever](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/tools-for-relating-having-the-best-relationship-ever/): Tools for Relating — it’s not enough to have some knowledge about relationships… you need tools and techniques to excel at relating. Here’s another sample chapter from my relationships book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever. Enjoy! If you’re looking for a partner that “fits you,” you owe it to yourself to read my book. Find Your Perfect Partner It’s available as a Kindle book here, for $2.99 US. Two of my other books, This Endless Moment 2nd. edition and Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall, are also available as Kindle books, same price. Those two are also available from Amazon as paperbacks. Last week, I described my book, […]
- [Having the Best Relationship Ever](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/having-the-best-relationship-ever/): Having the Best Relationship Ever — a look at what’s behind my book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever. Back when I was in private practice, three topics came up… a lot: There’s a lot of bad information out there. I wanted to help more people… so I wrote books! After writing three books geared toward individuals, I wrote two about relationships. First, I wrote a greatly expanded version of my booklet, the List of 50. This book is a methodology to figure out how to, as the title says, “Find Your Perfect Partner.” The concept is simple. Hormones do a lousy job of […]
- [The Power of Wise Intention](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-power-of-wise-intention/): Wise Intention is the bedrock of both elegant communication and grounded living. This topic is addressed in two of my books, Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall and The. Best. Relationship. Ever. I want to give a shout out to Lion’s Roar, and to the article How to Practice Wise Intention, written by Sylvia Boorstein. So, what exactly is wise intention and why would I want some? To put this in context, in Buddhism The Four Noble Truths, or perhaps more clearly, the 4 Preeminent Realities, are the 4 Descriptors of the way it is. You can read about this in […]
- [Dropping Arrogance](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/dropping-arrogance/): Today, we’re using a familiar Zen story to help us to see ways for dropping arrogance This topic is described in my book, Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall. You can read more about it here A Few Ways to Get Over Yourself This is a Zen story about Today, we’re using a familiar Zen story about dropping arrogance that most people know: On the surface, this is a simple story. The scholar thinks he knows something, and is therefore unteachable. Yet, this is entirely too simple an explanation. Speaking of dropping arrogance, I saw the opposite enacted at the Buffalo […]
- [Learning to be Ordinary](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/learning-to-be-ordinary/): Learning to be Ordinary — being ordinary is not boring. It’s using our selves fully, without comparison to others. It’s being present and content, without comparison. This topic is described in my book, Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall. You can read more about it here So, have you ever heard of “Placeholder Theory”? As I listen as friends try to come up with the meaning of their lives, I often hear some version of it. In Zen, another way of looking at “things” happens as we explore the interplay of “light / darkness.” For example, in The Blue Cliff Record, […]
- [The Straightjacket of Delusion](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-straightjacket-of-delusion/): The Straightjacket of Delusion is a funny thing. You only notice it when it’s pointed out to you, AND you are open to looking. What’s Your Problem, Man? This topic is described in my book, Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall. You can read more about it here One of the main plot points in the movie series “The Matrix” is that what people are seeing is an illusion. — and this is a key tenet in Buddhism. In the Matrix, the illusion is done on a grand scale — humans are food, are confined to cylinders, and are drugged into […]
- [Ideas for Zen Living: 12 Presence Presents](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/idea-for-zen-living-12-presence-presents/): When you're a Zen Guy like me, you're constantly thinking about, (and trying to enact) being present. The Holiday Season is rife with "things" we can distract ourselves with.  I decided to send you a list of alternative ways of being, in the hopes that shifting gears might help you to deal with the holidays more elegantly. 
- [About Living Life in Growing Orbits](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-living-life-in-growing-orbits/): Living Life in Growing Orbits – Let an expert take you by the hand and teach you how to Live in the Here and Now. — to Live in Growing Orbits! You’ve found this page because you are ready to take affirmative action. You’re ready to devote time and energy into being the best possible human you can be. I’d like to help you walk your path, and I offer you both hope and a guarantee. One year from today, having completed Living Life in Growing Orbits, you’ll be joyfully living in this endless moment, free from attachments to the past, […]
- [How to Find Your Perfect Partner](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/find-perfect-partner/): Find out how creating a “List of 50,” will help you to find your perfect partner, and get exactly the relationship you want. Most people think finding the right person should “just happen.” They depend on “the luck of the draw,” and typically end up with the next bozo in line. The “cure” is a focused, clear, and direct approach to the whole “finding a partner” enterprise. It requires thought, persistence, and logic. You must learn how to focus in on getting what you want, as opposed to settling for “almost, but not quite.” Rather than leave any of this to […]
- [The Bedrock of Great Relationships](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/bedrock-great-relationships/): What is The Bedrock of Great Relationships? It’s the willingness to communicate who you are, where you are, and what’s up for you… all the time! And especially when you don’t want to! My book, The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever. is both a learn­ing tool, and a step-by-step guide — a plan you will imple­ment — to chart the new direc­tion in your life and relationship. Learning about great relationships: If you are confused about your relationship, just follow this detailed, step-by-step guide for creating The. Best. Relationship. Ever. Read this comprehensive guide and learn how to reconnect, strengthen your relationship, improve […]
- [This Endless Moment -- Live an Amazing Life](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/this-endless-moment-live-amazing-life/): This Endless Moment has been a perennial best seller, and many are the folk who have found it life-changing. Please, think about how things are going for you, and if you think your life could be more amazing, have a look below for a few quotes, then order the book, either as a paperback or an e-book. Clients come in for therapy because something (or several somethings) isn’t working. Yet, on an entirely different level (and the point of this book)—the real issue is not what isn’t working. The real issue is that they don’t understand that solving their issue requires […]
- [Zen -- An Alternative to Trump](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-an-alternative-to-trump/): Sometimes, having another approach to life is crucial. OK, so the world is a pretty weird place right now, and living with the tension of “not knowing” (how Zen!!) can be a bit much. It’s why I wrote Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall. It’s hard to believe that a simple book has practical, down-to-earth methods and approaches that will help you not only to cope, but to thrive. I want to assure you that Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall brings you into direct contact with the wisdom of the East, and especially the light of Zen. You’ll discover how […]
- [Learn to Deal with Mind Chatter](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/mind-chatter-learn-deal/): Mind Chatter is what minds do. Here are some ways to sort that out Recently, a reader wrote a question about forgiveness, and in the process of writing a response, I decided to include a link to a booklet I’d written. The booklet is called, “The Watcher.” I wrote it back in 2000, and re-wrote it in 2020. It’s all about dealing with mind chatter — with the negative voices we all have in our heads – our mind chatter. It used to be that I thought I sim­ply got depressed (sort of like one catch­es a cold-it hap­pened to me.) […]
- [The Myth of Right and Wrong - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-right-and-wrong/): The Myth of Right and Wrong--there are always exceptions to each “rule,” and making a list isn’t particularly helpful 
- [The Myth of Absolute Truth - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-absolute-truth/): The Myth of Absolute Truth -- we hate not knowing, but the reality is, most of life is a mystery to be lived, not a puzzle to be solved.
- [Is-ness: Life is not as it is. Life is as you are - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/is-ness/): Life is not as it is. Life is as you are. -- reality is slippery and personal. This scares a lot of people, who crave fitting in.
- [Passionate as compared to Charged - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/passionate-as-compared-to-charged/): Passionate as compared to charged -- Charge is uncontrolled excitement. Passion is stepping into the cool river of engagement.
- [Honest as Compared to Indirect - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/honest-as-compared-to-indirect/): Whole Being -- Honest as compared to indirect -- we think that hedging or being polite is politically correct. What we end up with is a dishonest life.
- [Self-centered as Compared to Selfish - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/self-centered-as-compared-to-selfish/): Self-centered as compared to selfish — we need to learn to find our focus, and to bring it gently back to learning all there is to know about ourselves
- [Responsive as Compared to Reactive - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/responsive-as-compared-to-reactive/): Responsive as compared to reactive -- reacting on autopilot is prevalent -- always has been. Learning to breathe and then to reflect means that we can respond rather than react.
- [Focussed as compared to scattered - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/focussed-as-compared-to-scattered/): Focussed as compared to scattered -- You ever watch people walking along while texting? That's what scattered looks like. Being focussed takes discipline.   
- [On Resisting the Urge to Give Up](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-resisting-the-urge-to-give-up/): On Resisting the Urge to Give Up - the world we see is the one we get to live in. Choose well how to do so!
- [On Cleaning Out the Blame Game](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/cleaning-out-the-blame-game/): Cleaning Out the Blame Game--There's nothing particularly helpful about blame. And yet, it seems our minds revel in blame's appeal. We fill our minds with slights, we tell ourselves how hard-done-by-we are, and we make ourselves victims of the past.
- [On Not Being You](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-not-being-you/): On not being you -- of course you're you. But only in one sense. Mostly you're a process living inside of what you call "you."
- [The Tao of Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-tao-of-relating/): the tao of relating -- learning to be clear, to be honest, and to be present with what is
- [On Change and Choice](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-change-and-choice/): Change and choice are not the same. One is possible... the other is not.
- [On Being Yourself](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-being-yourself/): On Being Your--you are exactly and only who you are--including what you discover about yourself--the parts tucked away
- [On Being Whole](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-being-whole/): On Being Whole -- it's natural to segment ourselves, but that doesn't make it helpful. Some ideas on wholeness.
- [On Being Seen](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-being-seen/): On Being Seen -- it takes a bit of effort to watch ourselves story-making, and to let that go long enough to see and be seen
- [On Being Connected](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-being-connected/): On being connected: it's tricky, relating without judging. It takes effort and presence.
- [Zen and Simple Presence - Zen Principles](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-principles-zen-and-simple-presence/): Zen and Simple Presence -- waking up is not all that hard to do, but it does require paying attention, which many find... hard to do! What is simple isn’t so simple.
- [Zen and Emotional Balance - Zen Principles](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-principles-zen-and-emotional-balance/): Zen and Emotional Balance--there’s nothing “Zen” about blocking emotions. In fact, Zen is all about being real, which means being elegant--including with your emotional expression. 
- [Zen and Karma - Zen Principles](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-principles-zen-and-karma/): Zen Principles: Zen and Karma  -- karma is not a system of rewards and punishments, or even a “what goes around comes around” philosophy. It’s a statement that all things are interrelated, and results have causes.
- [Zen and Clinging - Zen Principles](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-principles-zen-and-clinging/): Zen and Clinging -- Clinging is what causes suffering, or so said the Buddha. This idea is not so hard to understand, until we are... well... suffering. Then, we just want it to be over. And that’s how we go off the rails.
- [Zen and Innocence - Zen Principles](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-and-innocence/): Zen Principles: Zen and Innocence -- finding a place of childlike innocence allows us to interact with life, rather than analyze it.
- [Zen and Clarity - Zen Principles](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-and-clarity/): Zen Principles: Zen and Clarity -- learning to see clearly is key to creating peace and focus. Zen offers us many opportunities for clear seeing.
- [Recharging and De-cluttering for 2024](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/recharging-and-de-cluttering-for-2024/): Recharging and De-cluttering - 10 Ways to Make 2024 a Year filled with promise and a centered, Zen-like perspective
- [Blue Xmas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/blue-xmas/): Blue Xmas -- The holiday season is a high stress time, due to our inability to say no. We might best explore other, more simple approaches, and let go of the drama.
- [Zen for the Holidays - 10 Tips](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-for-the-holidays-10-tips/): Zen for the Holidays is a collection of hints and tips for dialing down the drama and being present during trying times.
- [Zen 101 - Self-Responsibility](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-101-self-responsibility/): Self-responsibility is hard, as we live in a time when blame is much more popular. Nonetheless, Zen is all about self-responsibility
- [Zen 101 - More Zen Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-101-more-zen-ideas/): More Zen Ideas -- learning to act on our beliefs as opposed to just spouting them is the work of a lifetime.
- [Zen 101 - Essential Zen Lessons](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-101-essential-zen-lessons/): Essential Zen Lessons - Coming into presence is the key focus of Zen, and is accomplished in Zazen and "simply noticing. Here we begin to explore the foundations of building an "attentiveness practice."
- [Discover Yourself - Real Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/discover-yourself/): Discover Yourself - relating is a process where we get to experiment with what we are learning about ourselves
- [Finding YourSELF - Real Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/real-relating-finding-yourself/): Real Relating - Finding YourSELF - Most people enter relationships either for what the other person will (endlessly) give them, or to 'help.' Neither approach works.
- [I Wasn't Going to do This - Real Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/real-relating-i-wasnt-going-to-do-this/): Real Relating - I Wasn't Going to Do This - learning to work through emotions without turning them into issues is a relationship must 
- [Relating 101 - Real Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/real-relating-relating-101/): Relating 101 -- learning to let go of the past and the future is key to relating... and living
- [Some Thoughts on Relating - Real Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/some-thoughts-on-relating/): Some Thoughts on Relating -- it's never a power struggle... it's learning to see, hear, and appreciate, while staying true to yourself
- [Passion Ego and Charge](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/passion-ego-and-charge/): Passion, Ego, and Charge -- Because we are conditioned, we view most things through the lens of our culture -- this is the job of the ego -- to help us conform.
- [Fearless Exploration of the Void](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/fearless-exploration-of-the-void/): Only through fearless exploration of the void can we come to terms with and work with the monsters of our own creation I received an interesting comment from my friend Karen: I think sometimes people get jazzed by multi tasking or get warm fuzzies from accomplishing lots of “stuff”. Do you think people’s “Busyness” is yet another attempt to fill that endless “hole” without doing the hard work of being alone with the emptiness and/or having conflicts and discussions that need to happen to resolve the hard things? I think busyness may be an addiction like booze or chocolate, or at […]
- [The Courage to be Happy](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-courage-to-be-happy/): Given society's propensity to think that 'love' should = happiness, it's a brave thing indeed to suggest that one needs Courage to be Happy
- [Examining Your Premise](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/examining-your-premise/): Examining Your Premise -- your beliefs underlie everything you think and do -- and most remain unexplored and unexamined. Let's look at how this happens, and propose a couple of ideas for looking inside
- [About Happiness: Never wait for another to "make you happy"](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-happiness/): About Happiness: Nothing, including happiness, comes from the outside, so, never wait for another to make you happy Getting Past the error of “make you happy” One of the things we really need to recognize is the utter futility of thinking that anything, and especially happiness, comes to us from the outside. The reason this belief seems so real is that this is the reality of infancy and childhood. When we are little, everything is given to us. We are hungry, someone feeds us, wet, we are changed, cold, and we are covered. Mom and dad seem to be god-like figures […]
- [Developing Self-Awareness](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/developing-self-awareness/): Developing Self-awareness -- Self responsibility is never about self absorption. Self-responsibility is self awareness.
- [9 Ways to Screw up a Relationship](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/9-ways-to-screw-up-a-relationship/): 9 Ways to Screw up a Relationship - Thinking that my internal reality is dictated by the behaviours or actions of others is silly.
- [5 Life Lessons You Need to Get](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/life-lessons/): 5 Life Lessons You need to Get - some lessons are obvious, but the really important ones are both hidden and hard. Penetration of the veil into the depth of who we are is the only way to "work through" the secret of you.
- [Body Gates and the Path to Self-Knowing](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/body-gates/): Body Gates -- there are gates in the body - metaphoric passages from one stage of development to another. We look at moving into the "full expression of self" -- into full being.
- [Mind Cobwebs](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/mind-cobwebs/): Mind Cobwebs -- We've been conditioned by our families and tribes to 'fit in.' Making positive change is therefore difficult...
- [Unbinding - letting go of tightness](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/unbinding-2/): Bodywork is all about disentangling yourself from your wacky thoughts. We all have them. Blaming, chiding, criticizing, ornery thoughts. 
- [Vulnerability -- 5 things](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/vulnerability-5-things/): vulnerability is considered a weakness... fear of vulnerability is ingrained at a deep level, to our detriment, once we become adults.
- [Crowning Glory -- The Body Speaks](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/crowning-glory-the-body-speaks/): Crowning Glory -- our heads are a blessing and a curse. If we buy into our stories, we live in our heads, miserable. Or, we can continually choose to see our games while not biting.
- [Insight -- The Body Speaks](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/insight-the-body-speaks/): Insight: Our focus pulls inward, and then, as predictably as the sunrise, we're pulled into our minds, there to tell ourselves stories and distract ourselves outward. We bring ourselves back by dedicating ourselves to insight.
- [Self-less Expression -- The Body Speaks](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/self-less-expression-the-body-speaks/): Self-less expression is all about speaking your truth without letting your ego get in the way.
- [Compassion - The Body Speaks](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/compassion-the-body-speaks/): Compassion is a misunderstood word. Compassion is sometimes equated with "feeling sorry for," and is often used as a bludgeon…
- [Self Awareness - The Body Speaks](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/self-awareness-the-body-speaks/): Self Awareness / Self Acceptance is all about studying yourself without taking yourself too seriously. It's not "esteeming yourself," but simply noticing that you are... who you are.
- [Passion for Life - The Body Speaks](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/passion-for-life-the-body-speaks/): Passion for Life—The Body Speaks -- we are built in such a way that we ought to see our life's work—our vocation—as both sacred, and something to be passionate about.
- [Centering - The Body Speaks](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/centering-the-body-speaks/): The Body Speaks -- A New Series about all the things our bodies are trying to tell us. We'll look at the ways to listen, and what to do next.
- [Blocks to Passion](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/blocks-to-passion/): Blocks to Passion — we are brought up to make finding and living our passion difficult. Here are 5 ways this happens, and some alternatives It seems funny to me that people argue against discovering and living their passion. Let’s look at a couple of distractions, and some ways to find your way through. I Don’t Know We all have a pull — a desire — for things like passion and vocation to make sense. Here’s a hint: they don’t. I like to say, you can’t feel a thought, and you can’t think a feeling. Despite being whole beings, we are […]
- [Four Noble Truths - 4 Descriptors of the Way Life Is](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/four-noble-truths/): 4 Descriptors of the Way Life Is–the Buddha’s age-old wisdom (the Four Noble Truths) is perfect for helping us see through the clouds of the last few years. Let’s have a look at the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths, which I prefer to call the 4 Descriptors of the Way Life Is. Many of the Buddhist texts were translated into English in the late 1800s. “Life is Suffering,” for example, is the first of the 4 Descriptors, and is a translation that is apropos of the 1800s. The actual Pali word that is translated as “suffering,” dukkha, is really about the unsatisfactory […]
- [Learning Flexibility](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/learning-flexibility/): Learning flexibility — stop making excuses for continuing to do what doesn’t work — is an important part of living the wise life It’s sad that most people rigidly behave in ways that get them what they don’t want, and then blame others or the situation, rather than their behaviour, for the problem. My first book was Stories From the Sea of Life. It came out back in 1994, and went out of print at the turn of the century. I still think the stories in it are good — I’ve turned it into a PDF and am giving it away […]
- [3 Riffs on Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/3-riffs-on-relating/): 3 riffs on relating -- ideas and concepts about exploring the depth of intimacy that is possible in an excellent relationship.
- [Ask yourself, "What can I do, in this moment, to bring peace to this situation?"](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/bring-peace-to-this-situation/): Bring peace-a way to find yourself in a grounded and whole manner. It means giving up being right, among other things.
- [Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Effort.](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/great-faith-great-doubt-great-effort/): Great faith, great doubt, great effort -- all lead to new ways of being.
- [Curiosity Interest and Acceptance](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/curiosity-interest-and-acceptance/): Curiosity Interest and Acceptance — the three things that keep a relationship fro going off the rails. And notice: no mention of controlling the other person! Several articles ago I and proposed the following: Today, we’ll look at: Curiosity, Interest and Acceptance — Sounds like an accounting firm, eh? 😉 Many people come back from workshops that teach communication, (ours, Haven’s, wherever) and think they have to use perfect communication all the time — that what they’ve learned is required behaviour in all situations. Then, they go about exhausting themselves, asking “curiosity questions” of the postal worker, the store clerk, the […]
- [Honesty in Communication](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/honesty-in-communication/): Honesty in Communication — this is definitely a self-help project, as all you can do, even in relationship, is work on yourself.
- [Integrity - What Commitment Looks Like](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/integrity-what-commitment-looks-like/): What Commitment Looks Like — we continue our look at the actions necessary for a relationship to thrive.
- [Creating and Maintaining Relationships that Work](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/creating-and-maintaining-relationships-that-work/): Creating and Maintaining Relationships that Work — relationships that work don’t just happen. You have to commit to making them work. It’s amazing how often, when we’re talking with other couples, the conversation turns to relationships and relating. As you likely know, I’ve written a couple of books about this topic. (see: The. Best. Relationship. Ever.) Just the other day I was talking about commitment. I said, “In successful relationships, people do not commit to each other.They commit to a way of being and relating.”Or,“We commit to a verb, not a noun.” We commit to Creating and Maintaining Relationships that Work  To commit, then, is […]
- [Letting Go of Boxes](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/letting-go-of-boxes/):  Letting go of boxes: we all categorize, and sometimes that’s helpful, but examining our beliefs is the mark of maturity.
- [No One is Coming - Life is an Inside Job](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/no-one-is-coming-life-is-an-inside-job/): No One is Coming to rescue you from the life you have created. It’s your job to stop waiting and to begin moving in a direction you choose.
- [9 Tools for Relating](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/9-tools-for-relating/): Here are 9 ideas to improve any relationship, taken from my book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever.
- [Elegant Intimate Relating is the key](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/elegant-intimate-relating-is-the-key/): There is a structure to excellent partnerships, which we call Elegant, Intimate Relating
- [The Care and Feeding of Relationships](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-care-and-feeding-of-relationships/): Synopsis: relationships need maintenance. There’s no magic–there’s commitment to a way of relating
- [Dropping Duality by learning flexibility](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/dropping-duality-by-learning-flexibility/): Dropping Duality — On “Success” and “Failure” — illusions, both. The stories we tall ourselves keep us stuck. Until we notice exceptions, which point us in the direction we want to go.
- [Mind, Meditation, Suffering, Letting Go](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/mind-meditation-suffering-letting-go/): Mind, Meditation, Suffering, Letting Go - it's difficult to let go of our own stories, especially about how we suffer. Here are some hints.
- [Progressive Relaxation Technique](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/progressive-relaxation-technique/): Progressive Relaxation Technique — an oldie but a goodie! The next few articles will be about getting into your body.
- [Awareness as compared to Non-awareness - Whole Living](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/whole-being-awareness-as-compared-to-non-awareness/): Awareness as compared to Non-awareness — not only is paying attention a challenge, what we miss far outweighs what we pay attention to. Nevertheless, it’s worth working toward more awareness.
- [Using a Zen Stick](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/using-a-zen-stick/): Synopsis: Zen Stick: sometimes, we need a smack upside our heads, metaphorically, of course.
- [5 Key Concepts for Zen Living](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/5-key-concepts-for-zen-living/): 5 Key Concepts for Zen Living — I thought I'd write a "start here" article to help you get on board with some of our perspectives. This article contains multiple links to our site, and to other BLOG articles. Click around and enjoy!
- [Locating Yourself](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/locating-yourself/): Locating Yourself — most define themselves using lists. You just might be, only, what you enact. Let’s look at the ways we categorize ourselves — and propose an alternative. When asked about Locating Yourself — asked the question “Who are you?” most people rhyme off a list. They start with where they belong, and give you their place within that universe. For example, they’ll “locate” where they fit as a member of: See if you can come up with more. People “locate” within their gender. Male, female, transgendered, and any and all other variations — and this, of course, comes with additional baggage, depending […]
- [7 Ways to Live in This Endless Moment](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/7-ways-to-live-in-this-endless-moment/): Living in This Endless Moment means finding balance, clarity and a sense of purpose and direction. Some hints!
- [10 Zen Principles to Help You Live Life Better](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/10-zen-principles-to-help-you-live-life-better/): 10 Zen Principles to help you live a more calm and centered life, as given to us by that famous Zen guy, Yogi Berra.
- [Relating - It's Not What you Think](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/relating-its-not-what-you-think/): Relating is a task that moves in one direction — from you to your partner. It is meant to be an exercise in self-awareness. First of all, most of what I’m going to suggest has a “language component” to it.  IMHO, one of the few things that Freud was right about was what are called Freudian Slips. That’s when words pop out of your mouth that say what you really are thinking. We all do this, sometimes out of habit. But speaking of habits, if you refuse to correct yourself when you misspeak yourself, you actually make it almost impossible to shift the habit. And […]
- [Things Change When You Do](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/things-change-when-you-do/): Things Change When You Do — this is about is how we deal with events that seem larger than life. Typically, these events are categorized as “This is not fair!” Gathered under the “larger than life” umbrella are things like death, illness, accidents, global catastrophes, abuse, and the like. Darbella and I once led a seminar. One of the participants was dealing with a serious illness, and was in pain much of the time. I did a bit of Bodywork with her, to help her manage her pain so she could stay present in the group. During one of the dialog sessions, two of the […]
- [Communication is All About You](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/communication-is-all-about-you/): Communication is All About You — as with most things, how well you communicate is about how you choose to do things! So, for the longest time (18 years and counting) Darbella and I have been working on learning Spanish. We did a week long home stay back in 2005 and again a decade later, have attended classes, and work through Duolingo lessons daily. We’ve done classes in Ontario, and have studied at a language school in Nicaragua. I mention this because we really do understand a lot of Spanish, do well with our lessons, and can do things like shop, […]
- [5 ways to pay attention](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/5-ways-to-pay-attention/): Pay attention — to yourself -- we do so to be present for what is going on, all without attachment to the stories we tell ourselves.
- [Look Wide, Focus Narrow](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/look-wide-focus-narrow/): Look Wide, Focus Narrow — learning to shift your focus means you automatically see a “bigger picture” Not long ago, I was rooting around in some old photos, and I came upon one of me playing golf. In Scotland, in 1986. I stopped playing golf many years ago, paradoxically after 2 great years of finally being able to break 90 every time. Here’s a thought: A wide focus or a narrow focus isn’t enough. What we need is a divergent focus. In life as in golf, we need to create multiple foci. Anyway, here are two golf stories. I started playing golf in High School, […]
- [Letting Go](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-learning-about-letting-go/): Letting go of the belief that the way you see things (the story you tell yourself) is either real or true is difficult--it's the hardest lesson. It is when reality conflicts with the story, however, that a real opportunity for growth and shifting occurs.
- [On NOT Going Home For the Holidays](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/home-for-the-holidays/): Going Home for the Holidays? Nope. Just stay away from the crowds, eh? Maybe next year… So, what might you do for yourself this year? Or for yourself and your home circle? Here are a few ideas. I suspect none of us are going to forget 2020. Masks. Isolation. Thousands upon thousands of deaths, millions afflicted. And “stay at home” suggestions that sane people take seriously. Usually at this time of the year, I write about surviving the dramas that going home for the holidays typically generates. This year, a few self-care suggestions you can do at your own home. 1. […]
- [Ceilings and The Dynamics of Depression](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/ceilings-and-the-dynamics-of-depression/): Ceilings and The Dynamics of Depression — depression is simply a label, and for most of us, not a helpful one. Let’s explore depression and see if there’s a link between negative stories and depression. So, I received a question: Delighted to make this our topic! There are several things here. A little medical talk, a bit of autobiography, a slice of Zen — and we’ll see where we come out. The Dynamics of Depression–Medical We need, first of all, to differentiate between brain science and what the drug companies want us to believe. There was an article some years ago, Newsweek, I […]
- [Setting Boundaries](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/setting-boundaries/): Setting Boundaries — one source for stress is a lack of boundaries, AKA the inability to say no. What Are Boundaries? Personal boundaries are emotional, physical, and mental limits that we establish. Boundaries differ from person to person, and are: Setting boundaries is a personal responsibility, rooted in self-care and a desire to cultivate well-being. The premise is that no one and nothing can hurt you if you don’t allow it. Please note that last clause: “…if you don’t allow it.” The only exception to this rule is physical assualt, which you may or may not be able to “stop,” depending upon your physical abilities. All other forms of “broken boundaries” […]
- [Appreciating Life](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/appreciating-life/): The art of appreciating life is seldom practiced. I suspect this is so because appreciation actually contradicts our belief about how much is ‘wrong’ with life.
- [How to Communicate Better Using Dialogue](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/how-to-communicate-better-using-dialogue/): Communicate Better: Dialogue is a tool for self-exploration. It’s not a way to get others to behave, but rather a way to learn about yourself. I’ve written a ton of articles about communication and dialogue. I’ve focused on how to communicate better in all of my books, and can state categorically that good communication skills are absolutely essential for building and maintaining a relationship. The key to inner exploration is the willingness to seek out and listen to feedback. This comes with the caveat that the person you are in dialogue with is worth listening to. I once worked with a couple with terrible communication. […]
- [Fearless Living — 7 Tips](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/fearless-living-7-tips/): Fearless living: Many people wish to put their fears aside and to create and live a full and elegant life. In Zen, we say this is simple, as in “Simply Sit.” Or, “Pay attention!” Or, “Wake up!” Introduction to Fearless Living Many people wish to put their fears aside and to create and live a full and elegant life. In Zen, we say this is simple, as in “Simply Sit.” Or, “Pay attention!” Or, “Wake up!” The point of these little aphorisms is to bring living into the present moment. Fearful living disables our ability to act in the here and now. Of course, when you […]
- [The Dance of Shadow and Light](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-dance-of-shadow-and-light/): The Dance of Shadow and Light is where the juice is. Here, we discover the interplay of presence and action. Learn to let go of rules, and live! One way artists achieve “three dimensionality” is to create the illusion of depth through the interplay of shadow and light. A painting featuring nothing but light would be a white canvas; a picture displaying nothing but darkness would be a black canvas. I’m sure the National Gallery in Ottawa would be glad to pay a couple of million for either (Canadian joke—the gallery bought a red canvas for several million a couple of […]
- [Better relating - 6 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/better-relating-6-ideas/): Better relating — Of all the ways to Deepen Relationships, here are 6 of my favourites I suspect that most folk do not examine their relationship—except when things are off the rails. There’s a tendency to think Nothing could be further from the truth. To quote David Schnarch, in “Passionate Marriage,  “a primary relationship is a crucible. In other words, the heat of the relationship is the “thing” that makes the crucible’s contents pure. Thus, in the heat of dialog and passion, the couple enters into a proving and refining ground that makes each person more “him or herself.” This is decidedly different from the norm. The norm […]
- [The Relationship Tango](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-relationship-tango/): The relationship tango — the purpose of a relationship is the personal growth of both of the people in the relationship. This flies in the face of the romantic notion that relationships are there to get my needs met. Often, people think that what they see in movies or on the soaps is “real.” Let’s take a look at how our relationships are indicators of our personal development. You’ll know that Darbella and I think that relating is not about relationships. (There is no such thing as ‘a relationship.’ There’s just two individuals who choose how they are going to relate.) The purpose of a relationship: the best […]
- [Nothing is Apparent](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/nothing-is-apparent/): Nothing is Apparent to anyone else, and most stuff isn’t even apparent to you! One of the biggest mistakes people make when relating is assuming… well… pretty much everything. Nothing is obvious, and often, what’s “obvious” to you really isn’t, so how on earth could someone else figure out what is unclear to you? People assume that their partner can understand them without assistance. And this is especially so when we get to non-verbal “communication.” Many are the times when I’ve seen people do stuff like: roll their eyes, or sigh dramatically, or walk away. Great, just great. So, what, really, is the message […]
- [10 Quick Examples of Zen Living](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/10-quick-examples-of-zen-living/): 10 Quick Examples of Zen Living — here’s how to simplify your life and way of being 1. One thing at a time Multitasking is impossible. Watch yourself when you attempt it. What you are actually doing is turning your attention from one thing to another, to another, rapidly. And, because changing your focus takes energy, nothing gets your full attention. Experiment: watch your favourite tv show and have a conversation at the same time. See? Problems!!! Zen living: Do one thing at a time. Full focus, to a pre-determined point of completion. Big projects require that you break them into bite-sized pieces, and finish a segment. […]
- [Zen and Being Yourself](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-and-being-yourself/): Zen and being yourself — reality is that which is right in front of us. Descriptions of reality are convenient fictions. Most of the people I come across are trying (desperately…) to have an experience other than the one they are having. Which, I suppose, is sort of an authentic thing to want, given that the thing they want to change is something they consider crappy. (On the other hand, the things that are happening to us are happening for a reason — so that we might, just possibly, actually learn something…) The people wanting a ‘better’ reality also have something else in […]
- [On Finding Your Flexibility](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-finding-your-flexibility/): Finding Your Flexibility — Some years ago, the Worker’s Compensation Board in Ontario invited me to start working with injured workers. Darbella and I taught them meditation, qi gong, and some yoga stretches. We thought we were going to take the project province wide, but then the government shifted priorities, and stopped hiring outside consultants. Or something like that. So, we had all of this material, and decided it was so good, we’d turn it into an online course. And that evolved into a pdf booklet, and online videos. On the off chance that you might be experiencing any kind of […]
- [5 Communication Tips](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/5-communication-tips/): 5 Communication tips -- when couples have issues, the reason, almost 100% of the time, is lousy communication. Here are 5 communication tips, but also have a look at my book The. Best. Relationship. Ever. 
- [On Just Sitting](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-just-sitting/): Just Sitting — a way of doing meditation that needs nothing. NO counting breaths, no mantras. Just sitting. Want more help with things like dealing with stress, learning to combat pain naturally, meditation and Qi Gong? Check out our Book / Videos packet, Finding Your Flexibility. It’s a pdf guide, and a group of online videos. Rather than Just Sitting, our upbringing and nature cause us to complicate our lives. One way we do this is to assume that the stuff of life is here for us–personally. Rather than seeing ourselves as a part of something, we see everything as here for us to […]
- [Learning Meditation for Difficult Times](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/learning-meditation-for-difficult-times/): Learning Meditation–meditation is a skill and a practice that we talk about a lot. It’s in my books, and a part of our life. Learning meditation is a major part of: Want more help with things like dealing with stress, learning to combat pain naturally, meditation and Qi Gong? Check out our Book / Videos packet, Finding Your Flexibility. It’s a pdf guide, and a group of online videos. Learning Meditation part 1 My own experience with meditation began in 1969, and good ole’ Elmhurst College. There was a Transcendental Meditation Group on campus, and I checked it out. One thing […]
- [Cling Static](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/cling-static/): We get cling static whenever we find ourselves grasping onto something (or pushing it away–in which case we’re clinging on to not having it.) Today’s topic is addressed more fully in my book, Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall. One of the earliest teachings of the Buddha concerns the nature of life, and is often called the Four Noble Truths, or perhaps more clearly, the 4 Preeminent Realities. Or, 4 Descriptors of the way it is. Here’s the text version of the 4 descriptors, as well as an illustration, both from the book. 1) Life, and our sense of an individual self, leads us to a […]
- [Selfish, Self-aware, Selfless](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/selfish-self-aware-selfless/): Selfish, Self-aware, Selfless -- it's not selfish to work on yourself... it's the only way to shift what isn't working. It's essential that we 'get our noses on our side of the fence,' do our work, and be real
- [You're on Your Own](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/youre-on-your-own/): You're on your Own -- no matter what you think is going on, your experience is being invented by you.
- [Getting over Yourself](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/getting-over-yourself/): Getting over Yourself -- the focus has to be on you -- how you live, how you choose. Once you see your patterns, you can simply stop, breathe, and move down another path.
- [Clearing Relationship Gunk](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/clearing-relationship-gunk/): Clearing Relationship Gunk - we aren't taught how to let go. To observe. We're taught to blame.
- [Body-Mind](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/body-mind/): Body-Mind - To quote from Dogen, "Body and Mind naturally drop off, and the original face appears."
- [The Blocks to True Forgiveness](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-blocks-to-true-forgiveness/): The Blocks to True Forgiveness -- Forgiveness is a self-responsible action aimed at you, and you alone. You forgive to set yourself free.
- [Big Mind](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/big-mind/): Big Mind - Watching the mind work is how we prepare to live in the moment. Here are some examples of simply watching.
- [The Blame Game](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-blame-game/): The Blame Game -- blaming situations or others is a great way to live a small and meaningless life. Things change when we accept responsibility for our lives, and then do something different.
- [Letting go of Techniques - Letting Go Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/letting-go-of-techniques/): Letting go of techniques - it's easy to get caught in endless fixing. A bit of bodywork, a touch of meditation. And nothing "real" changes.
- [Letting Go of Self-Indulgence - Letting Go Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/letting-go-of-self-indulgence/): Letting Go of Self-Indulgence - self-indulgence is thinking that the world is there to make you happy.
- [Letting Go of Enchantment - Letting Go Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/letting-go-of-enchantment/): Letting Go of Enchantment -- Enchantment is like a story-trance. We're projecting, telling stories, and lost in the story. Disenchantment lets us see and interact with "what is."
- [Letting go of Assumptions - Letting Go Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/letting-go-of-assumptions/): Letting go of Assumptions -- most never explore their baseline assumptions, and end up living on autopilot
- [The Mad Parts of Sane People](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-mad-parts-of-sane-people/): The Mad Parts of Sane People - learning to embody ourselves - to visit the depths of ourselves, and then to incorporate and share what we find - is the ultimate mark of courage
- [The Dance of Mind and Body](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-dance-of-mind-and-body/): The Dance of Mind and Body - The mind and body are one--indivisible. Both speak to us, and both convey great lessons we all benefit from learning
- [Get Over It](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/get-over-it/): Get Over It -- There's reality and what you do with reality in your head. All emotion comes from you not accepting what is right in front of you, and working from there.
- [Non-Habitual Living and Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/non-habitual-living-and-being/): The way we view our lives, and 'reality' is not true. In fact, it's simply an unconscious habit. Learn ways to recognize habitual thinking and behaving, and then, learn how to change it.
- [The Joy of Non-duality](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-joy-of-non-duality/): The joy of non-duality - we create internal representations of everything we interact with. It's all just a story. Joy is letting go of all of them.
- [Like Clouds Drifting By](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/like-clouds-drifting-by/): Like Clouds Moving By -  two twisty, turny little ideas. The first idea is this: we know things by their opposite, and all couplets are an essential unity. The second idea is this: thoughts are not real -- they are, in a sense, like clouds drifting along on a blue sky day.
- [Changing Channels on Your Thinking](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/changing-channels-on-your-thinking/): Changing Channels on Your Thinking -- While certain aspects of our personality and behaviour are hard-wired in, what we choose to do with each situation is, fortunately, completely our choice.
- [Soft Eyes and an Open Heart](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/soft-eyes-and-an-open-heart/): Soft Eyes and an Open Heart - open heartedness requires an empty heart - a difficult concept for Westerners to grasp. Soft eyes produce astounding clarity. Let's see how this works as a dance of intimacy.
- [Blame and the Guilt Button](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/blame-and-the-guilt-button/): Blame and the Guilt Button - people use blaming as a weapon - using guilt as a way to manipulate others into doing their bidding. The cure? Self-responsibility.
- [Changes of Behaviour](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/changes-of-behaviour/): Changing Your Approach - letting go of blaming externals is hard, but blaming externals means staying stuck
- [Accepting Yourself](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/accepting-yourself/): Accepting Yourself -- learning to accept and work with all of you is key to living a fulfilling life
- [Reality Mismatch](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/reality-mismatch/): We all have developed an internal picture, (or pictures) of “reality.” We stack evidence for the validity of our internal picture. Stress occurs when our internal picture clashes with the external world.
- [5 Ways to Get Your Act Together](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/5-ways-to-get-your-act-together/): 5 Ways to Get Your Act Together - Life isn't easy. We all need help figuring out elegant ways to live
- [Inner Demons, The Shadow, and Integration](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/inner-demons-the-shadow-and-integration/): Inner Demons, The Shadow, and Integration -- there's the stuff we know about ourselves, the stuff we resist, and the stuff we stuff, -- our Shadow. Working with all of it, non-judgementally, is key for becoming whole.
- [Dropping the Ego — Self-actualized as compared to self-absorbed - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/dropping-the-ego/): Dropping the Ego - The ego wants us to be special, to get attention, and are on us relentlessly - judging us as failures while spurring us on to do the same stuff. The self-actualized person is able, again and again, to step out of this game.
- [Owning Your Life - Self-responsible as compared to Blaming - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/owning-your-life/): Owning Your Life — We’ve been conditioned since birth to blame – to make others responsible for who and where we are, and to let ourselves off the hook. Self-responsibility is all about turning the light on your behaviours and understandings, and accepting that what you do and who you are is a solo act. You’ve probably heard it a million times, but the word responsibility means “having the ability to respond.” The idea behind responding is this: as a stimulus comes in, I have a small window of choice, even if it is not apparent. Within that window are two […]
- [Having Integrity - Truthful as Compared to Devious - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/having-integrity-truthful-as-compared-to-devious-whole-being/): Having Integrity - Truthful as compared to devious - Learning the value of both honesty and truthfulness strengthens your relationships, and is foundational for living a life of integrity
- [Flexible as compared to blocked - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/flexible-as-compared-to-blocked-whole-being/): Learning to let go, to go into the flow of life, is like taking a zip line - one minute standing, the next, flying. And... attached to the line the whole time!
- [Life and Practicalities](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/life-and-practicalities/): Life and Practicalities – What a 10 Kilometer Hike Can Teach Us About Life Darbella and I often head off for a hike. We manage a hike pretty much every day. This, in addition to sticking to an exercise plan featuring yoga, helps to keep us going on our adventures. Hiking in Sámara isn’t too bad, as it’s a beach town, and is therefore flat. Hot temps, but flat. Other places, like Lisbon, consist of hills, typically in whatever direction we’re walking. We’re presently in Marrakesh. Here things are flat, but pot-holed and rife with motorcycles, people pushing carts, cars, etc. […]
- [Dealing with Different Approaches](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/dealing-with-different-approaches/): Dealing with Different Approaches — differences are in our heads — they’re not a part of the situation. Just last night we were talking with friends about a trip we all took to Nicaragua. None of us have been back since the “president” (who shall forever be unnamed) declared himself president for life. Shades of the Orange Moron. Anyway, we had a blast in Granada, Nicaragua that last trip. Darbella and I had been there before for language school. The first time, we stayed with a Nicaraguan family during the week of school. The country is definitely different from Costa Rica, […]
- [Self Responsibility - The Most Important Step](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/self-responsibility-the-most-important-step/): The Most Important Step -- learning to be self-responsible is the only way to go! 
- [Being a Mirror](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/being-a-mirror/): Being a Mirror is all about helping others to hear themselves by reflecting back, without judgement. I suspect that the reason that most couples have problems with communication is that they have grown up witnessing poor communication. So let me define a few things that good communication is not. Good communication is not: Good communication is: Most people grow up hearing the adults around them speaking from a place of self-righteousness. They hear about wounded feelings, and learned (erroneously) that other people or external situations are responsible for what each adult is feeling.  And speaking of feelings, most adults have real trouble grasping the difference between a feeling and a thought. […]
- [Leap of Faith: Average Joes and Volcanoes](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/leap-of-faith-average-joes-and-volcanoes/): Leap of Faith -- Leaping into the unknown is the only way to find yourself, and to find your path of purpose.
- [Beliefs and Motes](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/beliefs-and-motes/): Beliefs and Motes - There is no objective reality. Everything is filtered through our beliefs. Knowing that can make a difference
- [A Lesson About Growing Up](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/a-lesson-about-growing-up/): A Lesson About Growing Up - The goal of parenting is to raise your kids to be independent adults--and the age of independence is 18-20. That this is not happening is terrifying. 
- [Front - Back – Yin - Yang](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/front-back-yin-yang/): Front - Back – Yin – Yang- We have within us a range of seemingly contradictory abilities, views, and attributes. Today we have a look at how they might better play with each other. 
- [Communication 101: Miniskirts, Truth, and The Right Way](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/communication-101-miniskirts-truth-and-the-right-way/): Miniskirts, Truth, and The Right Way -- thinking you are right gets you precious little. Learning to look for what works -- as opposed to what's right -- is a winning strategy. 
- [Making Things Better - Nuance, Beliefs, Circularity, and Choice](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/making-things-better-nuance-of-letting-go-of-dysfunctional-beliefs/): Making Things Better – Nuance, Beliefs, Circularity, and Choice – We step out of the patterns of our lives by first noticing them, and then shifting out behaviour. Nothing changes until you do! It’s a hard lesson—what you believe to be “so,” (or want to be “so,”) often isn’t. This is “so” because we refuse to see the difference between fact an opinion. Darbella at one point had this as her e-mail signature: “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” And this goes both ways: what I do with everything I […]
- [Mindful Living - Body, Mind, Spirit as Classroom](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/mindful-living-body-mind-spirit/): Mindful living is passionate, engaged living. This article looks at being present in your body, embracing who you are, and making the choice to live fully and completely. The challenge: letting go of internal and external pressure to stay the same.
- [On Killing the Buddha](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-killing-the-buddha/): On killing the Buddha -- This means 'being with' myself as I am, without judgement. I am how I am. And as I go there, I realize that, if I do not cling to the idea that I will be this way 'forever,' how I am shifts as time goes by. If I do not invest in my 'tale of woe,' I pass through it -- until the next time.
- [Be Where You Are](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/be-where-you-are/): Be Where You Are -- The wise person does not know the destination. The wise person does know where he or she is now.
- [Gentle Support vs. Strangler Figs](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/gentle-support-vs-strangler-figs/): Gentle Support -- too often, support turns into persuasion then coercion. We propose something more basic.
- [Have your emotions. Act responsibly in spite of them.](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/have-your-emotions/): Have Your Emotions -- Emotions are experienced pretty much from birth, ... the infant's emotion lacks meaning. It also just happens.
- [Infinite Choice - On Waking Up](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/infinite-choice/): Infinite Choice -- blaming, holding on to grudges, all keep us stuck. Letting go opens the door to choice
- [The Attack of the Why-But Monster - On Waking Up](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-why-but-monster/): On Waking up - Why and but are stop words. They are useful for getting us off-track, as we pretend to be working on our issues. Uttering either means that you are stuck, pure and simple.
- [Awake as Compared to Asleep - Whole Being](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/on-waking-up-awake-as-compared-to-asleep/): On Waking Up - Awake as compared to Asleep It's hard to admit, but our lives are mostly lived on autopilot. While there are plenty of reasons for "sleeping while awake," (brain efficiency, etc.) the main reason we do it it is that we fear the work being awake entails.
- [The Finger That Points to the Moon...](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-finger-that-points-to-the-moon/): The Finger That Points to the Moon... -- our internal representations are neither real, nor necessarily accurate.
- [Thoughts on Letting Go](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/thoughts-on-letting-go/): Thoughts on Letting Go -- letting go is all about learning what you can control, and what you can't. And not whining about it.
- [Finding Compassionate Wholeness](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/finding-compassionate-wholeness/): Compassionate wholeness happens infrequently in our world, because of the downward pull toward security and safety – things valued by our tribes and cultures. In Zen and in psychotherapy, there are what could be called “levels of advancement” or levels of understanding. And beyond this, there are “levels of behaviour” — after all, an un-lived understanding is next to useless. The crossover points — the new understandings — are gates —semi-elastic barriers to movement. The first gate, (yellow) is located at the physical diaphragm, stands at the place where we move from physical, daily, security concerns, relationships, and self esteem material, […]
- [About Embodiment - 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-embodiment-12-ideas/): Embodiment - you are all of you - body, mind, and energy. There are ways to empower yourself, to free yourself, to experience "non-holding."
- [About No Past – 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-no-past-12-ideas/): No Past - One of the toughest 'sells,' both in therapy and in life, is this: there is no need, nor is there any way, to resolve the issues of the past.
- [About Happiness – 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-happiness-12-ideas/): About Happiness -- The key to happiness and contentment: happiness is determined by your intention. 
- [About I-am-ness - 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-i-am-ness-12-ideas/): I-am-ness - One particularly interesting way to look at ourselves as human beings is to explore our free-flowing-ness versus our rigidity. 
- [About Being Chained – 12 Ideas Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-being-chained-12-ideas/): About Being Chained – I must take full responsibility for my choices, decisions, and directions. Just as there is no one to compare myself to, there is no one is to blame for any choice I have ever made.
- [About Knowing Yourself - 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-knowing-yourself-12-ideas/): Knowing Yourself -- I suspect that most people are more concerned with perfecting their defensiveness and whining than they are with radically altering their way of being in the world.
- [About Mind Movies - 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-mind-movies-12-ideas/): About Mind Movies -- The stories we create might be interesting (to us) but they are just that... stories. Reality is right in front of us, not in our heads.
- [About Results -- 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-results-12-ideas/): The usefulness or validity of an action is always determined by the result. If it ain't working, doing more of it isn't going to work either.
- [About Self Actualizing -- 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-self-actualizing-12-ideas/): Self Actualizing -- Self Actualizing means being in charge of one's wife through both acceptance and transformative action.
- [About Taking Action -- 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-taking-action-12-ideas/): About Taking Action — Living your life is a solo project, undertaken in the presence of friends. This step involves a sustained, aggressive, and non-judgemental examination of who you are, what you are doing, and how you are framing your reality. The essential component is non-judgement. For each of us, the path to self-knowledge is a spiral. We go inside and review what we are about, what we “know,” and what we are enacting. We look for blocks, fears, terrors. We reveal our thoughts, feelings, fears, and joys with a select few-a principal partner, therapist, spiritual director, and Bodyworker. We devise […]
- [About Anxiety -- 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-anxiety-12-ideas/): . It is impossible to live life free of anxiety. There is the anxiety that comes when deciding to shift one's way of being--the anxiety of change, of pain, of growth. And, there is the anxiety of trying to stay the same, in denial, pretending. 
- [Bring Wisdom -- 12 Ideas](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/bring-wisdom-12-ideas/): Bring Wisdom -- If life has any meaning, it is this: each event of life has the potential to bring wisdom. The wise person is able to see through the events of life to their essence, in a moment of simple engagement. 
- [About Reality](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-reality/): About Reality: learning to be in the present moment, in the real, is key to waking up and living a full life 
- [Another Look at Emptiness](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/another-look-at-emptiness/): Another Look at Emptiness -- a Western look at emptiness, and how different categories of “knowing” affect us 
- [The Emptiness of Everything](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-emptiness-of-everything/): The Emptiness of Everything - watching the workings of our mind as we invent meanings - how doing this gets us into trouble, is the point of the Heart Sutra
- [Life, Death, and "Gone"](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/life-death-and-gone/): Life, Death, and "Gone"-- we take life for granted, putting off the work we need to do. And then, poof... we're gone.
- [Zen Living: 5 Ways to Land](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/zen-living-5-ways-to-land/): Zen Living: everything is unique. You must work on each thing, and be vigilant all the time, in order to land in the present moment.
- [5 Ideas About Compassion](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/5-ideas-about-compassion/): 5 Ideas About Compassion - The root of Compassion is 'being present with.' As we practice compassion, we drop judgement. We are left with a sense of self and a sense of another that is strong, rooted, and free from manipulation.
- [10 Things Your Mommy Forgot to Tell You](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/10-things-your-mommy-forgot-to-tell-you/): 10 Things Your Mommy Forgot to Tell You - We are taught from birth to only notice certain things. This is the process of socialization.
- [Finding Bliss](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/finding-bliss/): Finding Bliss -- We're working through some ideas around living from a more authentic version of yourself. Today, let's look at this through the lens of bliss.
- [Getting Unstuck](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/getting-unstuck/): Getting Unstuck -- There are techniques to increase our ability to live from our skill set. Here are a few.
- [Surviving Talent](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/surviving-talent/): Surviving Talent -- Talent is often hidden, having been repressed for fear of standing forth. There are ways to re-engage with the talent just beneath the surface.
- [As Within, so Without pt 2](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/as-within-so-without-pt-2/): As within, so without. -- Thinking and acting need to match. We are what we think. Our work proceeds from inner to outer.
- [As Within, so Without](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/as-within-so-without/): As Within, so Without is a message of freedom. We have created the reality in front of us, and at any time can shift things in another direction. All that's required is focussed action. 
- [Untwisting](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/untwisting/): Untwisting our bodies first of all starts with untwisting our minds long enough to hear what our bodies have to say 
- [Getting out of Bondage](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/getting-out-of-bondage/): Getting out of Bondage -- sometimes, the way out is the way through -- you gotta figure out who you are, and go for it -- without regard to "normal."
- [Drama and Being Twisted](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/drama-and-being-twisted/): Drama and Being Twisted - we look at letting go of the need to create charge by being dramatic
- [My Husband and My Pelvis](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/my-husband-and-my-pelvis/): My Husband and My Pelvis -- you are not a role, a relationship, or a thought. You are the totality of you -- and especially what you experience
- [Passionate Engaging - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/passionate-engaging/): Passionate Engaging - Learning to engage whole-heartedly requires a surrender into passion and relating. 
- [Dropping Manipulative Games - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/dropping-manipulative-games-set-yourself-free-series/): Dropping Manipulative Games -- We manipulate because we want others to fix life for us. Learning to drop manipulation is the first step toward self-responsibility
- [Unbinding - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/unbinding/): Unbinding - One can see the results of how one lives by looking directly toward the body. In other words, the body tells us what we need to know. 
- [Learning by Letting Go - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/learning-by-letting-go/): Learning by Letting Go -- we need to work through our issues, and come to a place of understanding and elegance. Sometimes, when we reach that place, some letting go is required.
- [True Liberation - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/true-liberation-set-yourself-free-series/): True Liberation - is an action. It's liberating yourself from the need for explanations, figuring things out - a liberation into choosing to act for self and for the benefit of all.
- [True Intimacy - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/true-intimacy/): True intimacy is found as we let go of our dependence on our minds, and begin to add in a body based focus.
- [Breaking Through Beliefs - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/breaking-through-beliefs/): Breaking Through Beliefs -- it's easy to get caught in the rightness of our beliefs. We then end up defending. Instead, there's simple awareness.
- [The Prison of Body Resistance - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-prison-of-body-resistance/): The Prison of Body Resistance -- we find ourselves trapped in a body that seems foreign to us. Here are some suggestions geared toward letting go 
- [Prisons of the Spirit — Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/prisons-of-the-spirit/): Prisons of the Spirit -- we are bound both by the pull of our individual vocation and by how we stop ourselves. A word about letting go.
- [The Prison of Imagination - Set Yourself Free Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-prison-of-imagination/): The Prison of Imagination - our sense of being trapped, caught, is almost always just us, trapping ourselves
- [The Myth of Sex Equaling Intimacy - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-sex-equaling-intimacy/): The Myth of Sex Equaling Intimacy - Intimacy is an act of continual stripping away -- of revealing who we are, with total honesty.
- [The Myth of a Soulmate - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-a-soulmate/): The Myth of a Soul Mate -- soul mate thinking is one-sided thinking. Better to find a mirror and get to know yourself.
- [The Myth of a Self - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-a-self/): Consider: How often do you find yourself miserable, judging your life to be awful or meaningless, and what happens then? Do you not find yourself asking some form of this question: "Why is this happening to me?"
- [The Myth of Altruism - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-altruism/): The Myth of Altruism -- it's actually pretty hard to find a selfless act. most acts that seem selfless are anything but.
- [The Myth of Limitations - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-limitations/): The Myth of Limitations -- outside of physical limitations, most limitations are self imposed. So, ask yourself why that's a good plan!
- [The Myth of Scarcity - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-scarcity/): The Myth of Scarcity--when people claim something is missing in their lives, they usually mean that no one told them they'd have to work and sacrifice for it.
- [The Myth of Easy - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-easy/): The Myth of Easy -- We have funny beliefs, and one of them is that we "ought to be" comfortable, and life ought to be easy. This tends to mean that we think others ought to move heaven and earth so that we are.
- [The Myth of No Consequences - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-no-consequences/): The Myth of No Consequences -- the consequence, or result, is caused by the actions preceding it, 100% of the time
- [The Myth of Fairness - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-fairness/): The Myth of Fairness--getting over thinking life should be fair is, for some, a life-long task. You don't have to like it -- it simply is.
- [Unraveling the Myth of Shoulds - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-shoulds/): The Myth of "Shoulds" -- "shoulds" are declarations of opinion projected on others
- [The Myth of the Threat of Change - The Myths Series](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-myth-of-the-threat-of-change/): The Myth of the Threat of Change -- many people fear change, so they stay stuck. Yet the fear is almost always baseless. 

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- [Welcome to The Phoenix Centre Press --](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/): The Phoenix Centre Press is the place to come for the books, courses and blog posts of Wayne C. Allen Special Deal from The Phoenix Centre Press The Watcher A Responsible Discipline forManaging the Voices in Your Head Learn to manage the voices in your head by establishing an “Observer / Coach” persona. This booklet provides practical lessons for learning to be in charge of your inner theatre. An excellent resource if you’re dealing with depression. You can have this booklet for .99 instead of 4.99! Just click here! The Phoenix Centre Press — Books and Products This Endless Moment 2nd. […]
- [Bodywork & Breathwork](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/bodywork-breathwork/): Bodywork & Breathwork — an in-depth study of Western and Eastern Body centered techniques Author: (Wayne C. Allen & Darlene MacNaughton) Bodywork & Breathwork By Wayne C. Allen / 29 January, 2024 About this book A new way of looking at how the body holds trauma, and how to release it. Traditional psychotherapy explores how the mind holds onto thought patterns and ways of being that are ineffectual and/or harmful. Through dialogue, the therapist attempts to help the client to loosen the grip of the non-helpful belief. Holding on to such beliefs is demonstrably the basis for dysfunctional behaviour. The “holder” forms patterns of behaviour to support and […]
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- [Bonus Videos for "Right Here, Right Now"](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/bonus-videos-for-right-here-right-now/): Here are several bonus videos for those of you who purchased Wayne’s book, “Right Here, Right Now.” Meditation Breathwork Qi Gong
- [The. Best. Relationship. Ever.](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-best-lead/): Before you check outThe. Best. Relationship. Ever.(If you don’t want the freebie, click here for info and sales channels for The. Best. Relationship. Ever.)Subscribe to our blog:Receive a free e-book!Our first book, “Stories from the Sea of Life,” is only available as an e-book. Great stories, all about living in the now. Get it as a download, just for subscribing!Send Me the FREE E-BookThank You, we’ll be in touch soon.When you click “Send” you’ll be subscribed! We use Mailer Lite for this. You’ll: a) receive an email from us with links to the e-book. b) be redirected immediately to the book page […]
- [Find Your Perfect Partner](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/find-lead/): Before you check outFind Your Perfect Partner(If you don’t want the freebie, click here for info and sales channels for Find Your Perfect Partner )Subscribe to our blog:Receive a free e-book!Our first book, “Stories from the Sea of Life,” is only available as an e-book. Great stories, all about living in the now. Get it as a download, just for subscribing!Send Me the FREE E-BookThank You, we’ll be in touch soon.When you click “Send” you’ll be subscribed! We use Mailer Lite for this. You’ll: a) receive an email from us with links to the e-book. b) be redirected immediately to the […]
- [Living Life in Growing Orbits](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/living-lead/): Before you check outLiving Life in Growing Orbits(If you don’t want the freebie, click here for info and sales channels for Living Life in Growing Orbits)Subscribe to our blog:Receive a free e-book!Our first book, “Stories from the Sea of Life,” is only available as an e-book. Great stories, all about living in the now. Get it as a download, just for subscribing!Send Me the FREE E-BookThank You, we’ll be in touch soon.When you click “Send” you’ll be subscribed! We use Mailer Lite for this. You’ll: a) receive an email from us with links to the e-book. b) be redirected immediately to the […]
- [Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/half-lead/): Before you check outHalf Asleep in the Buddha Hall(If you don’t want the freebie, click here for info and sales channels for Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall )Subscribe to our blog:Receive a free e-book!Our first book, “Stories from the Sea of Life,” is only available as an e-book. Great stories, all about living in the now. Get it as a download, just for subscribing!Send Me the FREE E-BookThank You, we’ll be in touch soon.When you click “Send” you’ll be subscribed! We use Mailer Lite for this. You’ll: a) receive an email from us with links to the e-book. b) be […]
- [This Endless Moment](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/this-lead/): Before you check outThis Endless Moment(If you don’t want the freebie, click here for info and sales channels for This Endless Moment)Subscribe to our blog:Receive a free e-book!Our first book, “Stories from the Sea of Life,” is only available as an e-book. Great stories, all about living in the now. Get it as a download, just for subscribing!Send Me the FREE E-BookThank You, we’ll be in touch soon.When you click “Send” you’ll be subscribed! We use Mailer Lite for this. You’ll:a) receive an email from us with links to the e-book.b) be redirected immediately to the book page for This Endless Moment. We […]
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- [Courses](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/courses/): Our online books and courses are designed to help you to truly experience transformative living Finding Your Flexibility – Book and Online Videos About the Finding Your Flexibility Program The book included in this package will be of benefit to anyone who wishes to gain (or regain) flexibility, freedom of movement, and peace of mind. You’ll also receive online access to the videos from the course for you to use as guides. You’ll learn: You will discover powerful Zen Meditation and Mindfulness relaxation techniques, geared toward finding inner peace and tranquility.You will explore traditional Eastern approaches to the movement of Qi […]
- [Disclaimers](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/disclaimers/): Legal Information Table Of Contents Anti-Spam Policy Copyright Notice DMCA Compliance Earnings Disclaimer FTC Compliance Medical Disclaimer Privacy Policy Social Media Disclaimer Terms and Conditions Anti-Spam Policy The following describes the Anti-Spam Policy for our The Phoenix Centre Press website. What Is Spam? Spam is unsolicited email, also known as junk mail (received via email), or UCE (Unsolicited Commercial Email). Virtually all of us have opened the inbox of an email account and found emails from an unknown sender. By sending email only to those who have requested to receive it, we at The Phoenix Centre Press are following accepted permission-based […]
- [FREE (and almost FREE) Stuff](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/freebies/): Check back here regularly! We’re adding in Free and almost free resources, like booklets. Probably other stuff too! The Watcher A booklet that describes a way out of the nattering and judgements that go on in our heads.By learning to use “The Watcher,” we move from living on auto- pilot to having choice.A great tool for learning from your emotions while not being led around by them. Select one or more: –> Read a Sample –> Read Reviews   Introduction Many years ago, I had a mood shift that lasted for 5 hours. It was one in a long series of […]
- [Purchase Finding Your Flexibility](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/purchase-finding-flexibility/): Available format: * downloadable pdf book, and Online videos * Publisher: The Phoenix Centre Press (June 1, 2010) * Language: English Detailed Information Purchase Options Regular Price: $35.00–pdf Downloadable Book, videos   Special Price!!! – $21.00 (40% discount) Order PDF and Videos
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- [Our Catalogue - Wayne C. Allen's Books](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/exploring-wayne-c-allens-books/): Wayne C. Allen’s books and courses set the standard for learning about zen living, communication and being present. Wayne C. Allen’s books Overview – Understanding the Themes in Wayne C. Allen’s Books This Endless Moment 2nd. edition  Author: (Wayne C. Allen) This is an amazing book on living the enlightened life. Worthwhile change comes at a price. If you’re tired of the same old relationships, the same situations cropping up again and again, and you find yourself stuck in the middle, then right now, you can do something about it! It’s time to decide! If you are willing to commit to living […]
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- [About Wayne C. Allen and The Phoenix Centre Press](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/about-wayne-c-allen/): Wayne C. Allen Wayne C. Allen is not just a name; it’s synonymous with a transformative journey that countless individuals have embarked upon. His philosophy, deeply rooted in Zen principles, encourages a reflective approach to life, wherein every moment is cherished and lived fully. By integrating mindfulness into everyday activities, individuals can cultivate a sense of peace and purpose. This foundation has inspired many of Wayne’s writings and teachings, creating a ripple effect of positive change. I’m Wayne C. Allen — I’m a retired psychotherapist Over my 32-year career, I counseled more than 1000 clients, each with their unique stories and […]
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- [The. Best. Relationship. Ever. Sample Chapter](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-best-relationship-ever/the-best-relationship-ever-sample-chapter/): Chapter One: Why You Fail at Relating A beginner’s guide to screwing up Before we can begin to talk about how to develop and nourish a deep and meaningful relationship, we’d best get a handle on some of the ways people screw up. There is a short list of beliefs that get in the way of having The. Best. Relationship. Ever. In no particular order: Magical Thinking Trying to Avoid Conflict Power Plays – making demands Story-telling and Drama Manipulation Confusion about feelings – sex, charge, intimacy Betrayal Playing Games – Unspoken Intent   1. Magical Thinking When I’m talking with […]
- [Amazing Formula for The. Best. Relationship. Ever.](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-best-relationship-ever/best-rel-info/): You’ve been trying to figure out how to have the best relationship ever had, but let’s face it: it’s not easy! If you are confused about Elegant, Intimate Relating, read on! My book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever. is just the guide you’ve been waiting for. You are about to learn how to relate with elegance, have deep and intimate conversations, and to find peace and contentment. My book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever., will: Dear Friend, Let me tell you: as a therapist, I know just how hard it can be to have a successful relationship, let alone the best relationship ever […]
- [The Best Relationship Ever](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-best-relationship-ever/): Elegant, Intimate Relating is an art. It requires attention, focus and persistence. My new book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever., is packed with guidance, exercises, and directions for drastically improving your relationship. Author: (Wayne C. Allen) As you read, you will discover: 8 rea­sons you’ve failed at relat­ing — we exam­ine what goes wrong 3 prob­lems peo­ple have with com­mu­ni­ca­tion — once you know what doesn’t work, you’re ready for what does! Sam and Sally, and learn how to really mess up a rela­tion­ship! — you see their mis-steps, and learn from them. how “labelling” your part­ner gets in the way of […]
- [Resources for The Best Relationship Ever](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/the-best-relationship-ever/resources-for-the-best-relationship-ever/): Below are videos to help you create your very own Best. Relationship. Ever. Just click on the play arrow on the player. Double clicking the video will take it to full screen. Learn to Meditate – a video describing how to sit. Basic Breathwork – a video that shows the Breathwork posture Adding a Pelvic Tilt to the Breathwork posture
- [Bonus Videos for Finding Your Flexibility: a Zen Bodywork Approach](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/bonus-videos-for-finding-your-flexibility/): This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below. Password:
- [Elegant, Intimate Relating - Extras](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/elegant-intimate-relating-extras/): Illustrations & Bonuses The Haven Communication Model Wayne’s Revised Communication Model
- [Wayne C. Allen](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/wayne-c-allen/): Wayne was born in Buffalo, New York in January of 1951. An only child, he quickly discovered a love of acting and public speaking. His sparkling personality and engaging delivery won him major roles in local theatre. His interest in psychology and religion led him to Elmhurst Illinois, where he completed a B. A. in both areas (1973). He immigrated to Ontario, Canada in 1975. In 1981, Wayne received a Masters of Divinity (M.Div) from the University of Toronto (Knox College.) He then enrolled in a Counselling Masters Degree, graduating with a Master in Pastoral Counselling (M.Th) in 1983. In 1982, […]
- [Finding Your Flexibility](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/finding-your-flexibility/): Finding Your Flexibility – Learn mindfulness meditation, Qi Gong, yoga stretches and Zen Living, Great for dealing with chronic pain. Author: (Wayne C. Allen & Darlene MacNaughton) Finding Your Flexibility – Book and Online Videos About the  Finding Your Flexibility Program – Darbella and I were asked to lead a 3-hour seminar on alternatives to drugs for pain management for Ontario’s Workplace Safety & Insurance Board (WSIB.) At the end of the seminar, we offered to run an all day workshop. We developed a book and CD package that became the backbone of the program. The book from the package has […]
- [This Endless Moment-sample chapter](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/this-endless-moment/tem-sample-chapter/): You Can’t Have It All: The Perils of Entitlement This is another one of those, “Yeah, I know that” points that most of us, in fact, resist. In other words, we agree in principle that “we” can’t, but “I” assume that “I” can. Believe it or not, the idea of entitlement is a recent phenomenon. Honestly striving for success, on the other hand, is a cornerstone of the West. To use an American analogy, there’s always been a belief in the Horace Greeley / Horatio Alger myth: “If I ‘go West,’ I’ll conquer the world, turning rags-to-riches.” We’ll leave aside the […]
- [This Endless Moment](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/this-endless-moment/): This Endless Moment is an amazing book on living the enlightened life. Used as a textbook for new therapists, this book quite simply changes lives. Author: (Wayne C. Allen) Worthwhile change comes at a price. If you’re tired of the same old relationships, the same situations cropping up again and again, and you find yourself stuck in the middle, then right now, you can do something about it! It’s time to decide to live in This Endless Moment! If you are willing to commit to living the life you have dreamed of, surrounded by meaningful and deep relationships, while making a […]
- [Find Your Perfect Partner - Find your life partner](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/getting-exactly/): Find Your Perfect Partner — a guide to using your brain to make clear decisions about who to be in relationship with. Author: (Wayne C. Allen) Back in 1999, I wrote a booklet called “The List of 50,” a guide on how to find your life partner. Part of a series of free booklets on aspects of relationships, “The List” was a guide to deciding whom you want to be in relationship with, and then putting what you decide into action. My clients, since then, have asked me to expand upon this concept of conscious dating. So, I completely re-wrote the […]
- [Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/half-asleep/): Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall is a light-hearted guide to living life fully and deeply. Using Zen stories old and new, illustrations and exercises, Wayne C. Allen takes you on a walk through the workings of your mind, heart, and soul. Author: (Wayne C. Allen) For those who love Eastern thought, and equally for those who are fearless explorers of their internal space, Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall is an eye-opening jaunt through the ages-while always bringing you into direct contact with yourself-in this moment. Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall is designed to help you to see the […]
- [Living Life in Growing Orbits-Sample Pages](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/living-life-in-growing-orbits/sample-pages-lligo/): Introduction Introduction to the 2015 Edition I guess you could say that the book in your hands is the result of our endless moments in Costa Rica. As you’ll see from the other Introductions, this is the third revision of this project. 2015 was a banner year for sales for the last revision of Living Life in Growing Orbits, and that’s interesting, because this book has only been available from https://phoenixcentrepress.com, our publishing website. That was solely due to my decision to format the book for a full, 8.5 x 11 page, making it awkward to publish as a paperback on […]
- [Living Life in Growing Orbits](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/living-life-in-growing-orbits/): Living Life in Growing Orbits is a Workbook for people seeking clarity and focus. In an often confusing world, pure, simple, and focused guidance is required. Author: (Wayne C. Allen) Living Life in Growing Orbits is a guidebook for discovering who you are, and more, importantly, the tool you need to become fully yourself. In 52 weeks, you will have found direction and purpose, as you explore the meaning of centered, meaning-filled, and “present” living. With weekly thoughts, and daily meditations and projects, Living Life in Growing Orbits: 52 Weeks to Wholeness will change your life. Wayne Allen is an insightful […]
- [Half Asleep in the Buddha Hall - Free Chapter](https://phoenixcentrepress.com/half-asleep/free-chapter-buddha-hall/): Back to Information Page You Are What You Cling To This book contains a mass of contradictions, which is difficult for the Western mind to accept. We naturally look for the ‘right,’ ‘cor­rect,’ ‘true’ versions of pretty much everything. Much of what we accept as true or right is simply the endless repetition of an unreflected-upon process of learned judgements.  What do you cling to, and why? While it might be said that “We are the sum of our experiences,” it is also ‘so’ that we are nothing more than our current experience. This can be a difficult concept to grasp. […]

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