Amazing Formula for The Best Relationship Ever

best relationship ever
the best rela­tion­ship ever

You’ve been try­ing to fig­ure out how to have
the best rela­tion­ship ever had, but let’s face it:
it’s not easy!

If you are con­fused about Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing, read on!

My book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever. is just the guide you’ve been waiting for.

You are about to learn how to relate with elegance, have deep and intimate conversations, and to find peace and contentment.

My book, The. Best. Relationship. Ever., will:

  • help you to imple­ment the 9 essen­tial Tools for Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relating
  • explain how to com­mu­ni­cate effec­tive­ly and deeply
  • explain how to com­mu­ni­cate effec­tive­ly and deeply
  • pro­vide pages and pages of easy-to-do exer­cis­es designed to get your rela­tion­ship on track
  • intro­duce you to sen­su­al­i­ty exer­cis­es designed to get you in touch with your deep­est passions

Dear Friend,

Let me tell you: as a ther­a­pist, I know just how hard it can be to have a suc­cess­ful rela­tion­ship, let alone the best rela­tion­ship ever had!

My clients are all too clear about what’s going wrong in their prin­ci­pal rela­tion­ship. I think I’ve heard it all  —  and yet, I get sur­prised! (I’ve been at it since 1981.)

Here are a few things that clients have problems with–things that plague most relationships:

  • The stress of every­day liv­ing comes home, and com­mu­ni­ca­tion seems stilt­ed, brief, or non-existent.
  • The media bom­bards us with dumb ideas about rela­tion­ships  —  that they are “easy” or that every­one (but you!) gets to live hap­pi­ly ever after
  • It’s dif­fi­cult to trust  —  the world seems harsh, and your part­ner does­n’t ever seem to under­stand, so… you keep secrets.

Painful? Yes! But here’s the first thing you need to know –
the only thing you can do is fix your side of things!
The. Best. Relationship. Ever.
will show you how.


I know. You’re frustrated and disheartened. You look at your relationship history and see:

  • seem­ing­ly end­less argu­ments and fights
  • bore­dom, lack of interest
  • con­fu­sion around sex­u­al­i­ty and sen­su­al­i­ty  —  sex has lost its spark
  • half-heart­ed attempts at “fix­ing things” that peter our  —  you don’t know how to do this stuff
  • dis­hon­esty and distrust
  • either or both of you spend­ing more and more time away, either phys­i­cal­ly or emotionally
  • rela­tion­ships end­ing  —  and you think you’re a failure

You might have read oth­er books, or talked with a ther­a­pist or two, and might be skep­ti­cal that a sim­ple book has with­in its pages clear instruc­tions, prac­ti­cal meth­ods, and exer­cis­es that will help you to have the best rela­tion­ship ever had.

I want to assure you that The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever. has a per­fect mix of the­o­ry and prac­tice. Do what the book sug­gests, and you’ll see results!

I’ll take you by the hand, and help you to become a self-responsible participant in a relationship adventure!

The book is loaded with sto­ries, exam­ples and lessons from my 30 plus years of Coun­selling experience.

You will know exact­ly what to do next  — - no more try­ing (and fail­ing) to fig­ure out the next step to the best rela­tion­ship ever had.

The. Best. Relationship. Ever. is the beginning of an adventure  — 
an adventure in conscious relating!

Wayne Allen cares about peo­ple. Read­ing this book is like hav­ing a pri­vate ses­sion with Wayne him­self. The read­er encoun­ters his humour, non­judg­men­tal­ness and use­ful direc­tions for estab­lish­ing and main­tain­ing ful­fill­ing rela­tion­ships. The book is prac­ti­cal, straight­for­ward and clear, not weighed down with jar­gon or acad­e­mia. An excel­lent intro­duc­tion to a life of per­son­al devel­op­ment and mean­ing. We rec­om­mend Wayne, and this, his lat­est book.

 —  Ben­net Wong, MD, FRCP©, DLitt
 —  Jock McK­een, MD, LicAc(UK), DLitt

Cou­ples, whether in already strong rela­tion­ships or those who are expe­ri­enc­ing some ‘rough patch­es,’ will appre­ci­ate Wayne Allen’s lat­est book.
Con­sis­tent with his oth­er books and writ­ings, in The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever. Wayne draws upon ele­gance, self-respon­si­bil­i­ty and unabashed hon­esty as the cor­ner­stones for pow­er­ful and inti­mate rela­tion­ships.
Writ­ten with sto­ries, case exam­ples and sug­ges­tions, Wayne lets the read­er in on his own real-life exper­i­men­ta­tion of these con­cepts with his wife and part­ner, Dar­lene.
Wayne’s guid­ance does not per­mit dis­trac­tions, excus­es or blame and instead, coax­es the all-encom­pass­ing and hon­est aware­ness of the read­er to strength­en their pres­ence in their rela­tion­ship.
Wayne has added potent, yet easy exer­cis­es that tra­verse the realms of com­mu­ni­ca­tion, prob­lem-res­o­lu­tion, integri­ty, respect and sex­u­al­i­ty that tru­ly engage the read­er to apply the con­cepts to their cur­rent relationship.

~ Debashis Dut­ta, Coor­di­na­tor,
Human Ser­vices Foun­da­tion,
Con­esto­ga Col­lege, Kitch­en­er, Ontario

Wise. Warm. Won­drous. Wit­ty. That’s Wayne and his Writ­ing.
The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever. is a gem of a book on relat­ing hon­est­ly, deeply, and ele­gant­ly. Based on years of han­dling and expe­ri­enc­ing rela­tion­ships, the book is writ­ten in trade­mark Wayne style : sim­ple, per­son­al, fun­ny and pro­found. You can see your­self nod­ding in agree­ment, men­tal­ly rolling your eyes at the things that you do being now reflect­ed in the book, and smil­ing because hey, the book under­stands you real­ly well.
That’s what makes this book so spe­cial. That it talks to you. It seems to know you deep with­in your mind where all rela­tion­ships begin. You are walk­ing togeth­er to make the best rela­tion­ship ever pos­si­ble. For you.
Wayne out­right tells you how it is : “Though the num­ber of peo­ple in a tra­di­tion­al rela­tion­ship is two, there is only one per­son that can change how you relate to your part­ner. You!”
So this book is nei­ther a tool to change your part­ner, nor find­ing new ways to blame them, nor about dis­cov­er­ing fresh excus­es for your rela­tion­ship being the way it is.

As Wayne puts it: “we are going for a walk into 100% respon­si­bil­i­ty.”
You learn – and more impor­tant­ly, realise, that real, beau­ti­ful, hon­est and ful­fill­ing rela­tion­ships start with relat­ing more deeply and inti­mate­ly with your­self. That work on any rela­tion­ship has to begin with work on your­self. That in order to have the best rela­tion­ship ever you need to approach it with integri­ty, matu­ri­ty, ele­gance and total respon­si­bil­i­ty. The book offers you sev­er­al work­able tools and tech­niques that enable you to actu­al­ly expe­ri­ence bet­ter rela­tion­ships – and does so in a man­ner that prods your com­mon sense and tick­les your fun­ny bone in good mea­sure.
Thank you Wayne C Allen for this remark­ably intu­itive and refresh­ing read. All rela­tion­ships deserve this book.
~ Sharmi­la Bhosale

The. Best. Relationship. Ever. helps you to discover how to relate with depth, compassion, and assurance.

So, I hear you asking, what’s in the book, and why is it so special?

The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever. is both a learn­ing tool, and a step-by-step guide  —  a plan you will imple­ment  —  to chart the new direc­tion in your life and relationship.

As you read, you will discover:

  • 8 rea­sons you’ve failed at relat­ing  —  we exam­ine what goes wrong
  • 3 prob­lems peo­ple have with com­mu­ni­ca­tion  —  once you know what does­n’t work, you’re ready for what does!
  • Sam and Sal­ly, and learn how to real­ly mess up a rela­tion­ship!  —  you see their mis-steps, and learn from them.
  • how “labelling” your part­ner gets in the way of Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing. You’ll see that Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing means no judg­ing and blaming.
  • a brand new mod­el for being in rela­tion­ship. I call this Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relating.
  • the rules and prac­tice of dia­logue. Each con­ver­sa­tion is wor­thy of doing well!
  • what to do, and when. You’ll have the tools you need, right in front of you.

You’ll understand:

  • how to be with the part­ner you have  —  how to let go of fantasy.
  • how NOD­ing clears up the mys­tery of how we go off the rails with our lives
  • why feel­ings and inter­pre­ta­tions (thoughts) are often con­fused, to your detriment.
  • the 7 ele­ments of great com­mu­ni­ca­tion and how using them well will change your life.
  • why sen­su­al­i­ty, eroti­cism and sex­u­al­i­ty are vital­ly important.

And you’ll have real tools — 

  • The 9 Tools  —  which include Total Hon­esty, Speak­ing clear­ly, Feel­ing your Feel­ings, and 6 more!
  • 9 Meth­ods for safe­ly express­ing your emotions.
  • 6 Projects for explor­ing Sen­su­al­i­ty and Sexuality
  • 10 Exer­cis­es in Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relating
  • Pages and pages of Sen­su­al, Erot­ic Exercises.

The. Best. Relationship. Ever. is designed to help you figure the whole relating game out!.

As I Write in My Book.…


First of all, welcome!

My wife Dar­bel­la (Dar for short) and I have been devel­op­ing and teach­ing Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing since we met in 1982. We’ve helped hun­dreds of clients to strength­en and deep­en their rela­tion­ships. Need­less to say, what you’re about to read is the bedrock for our own relationship.

We’d like to help you – if you use what we’ve learned, and your rela­tion­ship will become the best is can be.

Over the years, I’ve writ­ten two book­lets about relat­ing, as well as cre­at­ing “The List of 50,” a method to fig­ure out what you want in a part­ner (expand­ed to a full-length book, Find Your Per­fect Part­ner.) Recent­ly, I decid­ed it was time for a prac­ti­cal guide based on Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relating.

The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever. teach­es the nuts and bolts of build­ing and main­tain­ing a great rela­tion­ship. You’ll learn about what Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing looks like, you’ll dis­cov­er how to com­mu­ni­cate with clar­i­ty and curios­i­ty, and you’ll dis­cov­er how to con­tin­ue deep­en­ing your rela­tion­ship over time.

The Plot Thickens

The best gift you can give your­self, right now, is an acknowl­edge­ment – you real­ly don’t have a clue what it takes to have a full-bod­ied, lush rela­tion­ship, now do you??

And real­ly, why would you? They’re pret­ty rare. Most experts, includ­ing me 😉 fig­ure that only 5% of the pop­u­la­tion ever fig­ures this one out.

That’s why so many peo­ple divorce; that’s why so many oth­ers have dull, bor­ing relationships.

Hard Work is Required

Fair warn­ing: Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing is a long and wind­ing road. I want to be clear. This book has no short-cuts – just plain speak­ing, and hard work.

Rela­tion­ship work is per­son­al and individual

Now, that may seem a bit odd in a book titled, “The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever.” I’m stat­ing it this way to make a point. Despite the fact that the num­ber of peo­ple in a tra­di­tion­al rela­tion­ship is two, there is only one per­son that can change how you relate to your part­ner. You!

There­fore, not one sug­ges­tion in this book is aimed at your part­ner. This book is not a tool to blud­geon your part­ner with. This book is designed to get you to stop look­ing out­side of your­self, either for res­cue, or to blame.

Have a look at the rela­tion­ship you are in (or the one that just end­ed!) Now, say after me:

I cre­at­ed this. Every aspect of my life is just as it is, and it is as it is because of how I think, and what I do. Wait­ing for my part­ner to change is sil­ly, as the only per­son I have a chance of chang­ing is me. So, here I go – from this point on, I am claim­ing total respon­si­bil­i­ty for how I see myself, and what I choose to do.”

There! Don’t you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

We’re going to go on a walk into 100% self-respon­si­bil­i­ty. By the end of this book, you’ll know whether there’s a chance in hell to save your cur­rent rela­tion­ship (hint: there is, but not eas­i­ly, as there’s a ton of water under that bridge, and doing things dif­fer­ent­ly requires stren­u­ous effort.)

If your lat­est rela­tion­ship has tanked, then read­ing this book may just make your next rela­tion­ship soar.

In either case, you must keep your nose on your side of the fence, learn and imple­ment what this book teach­es – a new way of being in the world – and get over yourself.

The. Hard­est. Rule. Ever.

I say this to my clients, first ses­sion, and often in the first 10 minutes:

The hard­est thing to accept is this idea – every­thing, 100%, that is going on inside of you is caused by you. Oth­ers do not “make you feel” – they don’t cre­ate your inter­nal expe­ri­ence. That’s you in there, doing all of it. There­fore, every­one else is off the hook.”

The only way anoth­er per­son can affect us is phys­i­cal­ly – some­one with a gun can “make you” do stuff. Some­one ver­bal­ly demand­ing you do some­thing is powerless.

Sim­i­lar­ly, oth­ers do not make you hap­py, sad, angry, bored, or horny. What you feel is you, choosing.

This is the “make or break under­stand­ing” for hav­ing a mean­ing­ful life and for The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever.

OK, so the plan is to share some essen­tial con­cepts, and look at how rela­tion­ships fail.

• Then, a case study, fea­tur­ing Sam and Sally.

• We’ll look at Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relating.

• I’ll then give you tools for Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing, so that you too can have The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever.

Let’s go for the ride. Read care­ful­ly, absorb what you read, and exper­i­ment with the exer­cis­es. This stuff does­n’t hap­pen by mag­ic. You actu­al­ly have to imple­ment it!

Chapter Four: Tools for Relating

Elegant, Intimate Relating (EIR)

EIR is a struc­ture for liv­ing deeply and ful­ly with others

With EIR, noth­ing is tak­en for grant­ed. Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing requires the active par­tic­i­pa­tion of two sep­a­rate and dis­tinct beings, both of whom are ded­i­cat­ed to rig­or­ous self-explo­ration. Each is using the rela­tion­ship to gain depth and breadth of knowl­edge about the only thing each can know: themselves.

Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing is enact­ed at the direct meet­ing of two whole per­sons. I call this “meet­ing at the bound­ary” – I am still I, you are still you, and we meet to explore, to reveal, to be open and vul­ner­a­ble through hon­est revelation.

The rev­e­la­tion has to be authentic

In EIR, you are choos­ing to be trans­par­ent with your part­ner. EIR is not about say­ing nice things, not about manip­u­lat­ing your part­ner to see or do things your way. Nor is it about hid­ing the fact that you have a range of feel­ings and emo­tions “in there.” Trans­par­ent authen­tic­i­ty is choos­ing to let your­self be seen – as you are, and how you are.

Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing hap­pens only in the Here and Now

It’s not about your sto­ries. Sto­ries, at best, serve as a frame­work for true vulnerability.

Vul­ner­a­bil­i­ty is expressed by let­ting out what is going on for you, right now, with no excus­es. This is me, right now. And part of “me, right now,” is the emo­tion that is hap­pen­ing inside of me. Not descrip­tions of the emo­tions, not blam­ing some­one for the emo­tions, but rather the emo­tions themselves.

Once you “get this,” you’ll also notice that emo­tions are fleet­ing. I can be sad, then bored, then weepy, then laugh-filled, then have the feel­ing of “noth­ing much,” but only if I do not cling to my sto­ry, a.k.a. think­ing too much.

The crux of Elegant, Intimate Relating

  • The ele­gant part is this: an ele­gant rela­tion­ship is both dynam­ic and flex­i­ble. There’s a flow – an ease. While there are dif­fer­ent roles to explore, noth­ing is rigid, and every­thing is available.
  • The inti­mate part is this: every­thing is out in the open, revealed, and hon­est­ly dis­cussed. It is all about truth­ful­ness, a relax­ation of bound­aries, and clear focus.
  • Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing is dynam­ic: while the method­ol­o­gy of relat­ing stays the same, there is accep­tance that “life” is con­stant­ly in flux. Emo­tions arise, and shift, and change. Roles shift, depend­ing on the needs and desires of the part­ners. Noth­ing is graven in stone.
  • Both part­ners are open and vul­ner­a­ble: every­thing is accept­ed as real, and all feel­ings are ful­ly felt and shared, with­out judge­ment, with­out try­ing to get your part­ner to behave some oth­er way.
  • Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing is Respect­ful: it’s rec­og­niz­ing and cel­e­brat­ing the worth of your part­ner. It is impos­si­ble to respect some­one for what he or she is going to do or be, some­day, if all is well and “the creek don’t rise.” Respect is acknowl­edg­ing the present worth of anoth­er per­son. There­fore, I can only “rec­og­nize and cel­e­brate” some­one right now.
  • Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing Requires Patience: it’s know­ing that all I can do right now is what I can do right now. Patience is the abil­i­ty to be present with things, sit­u­a­tions, and peo­ple – while ful­ly grasp­ing that every­one and every­thing is in flux. “Things are as they are, until they aren’t.”

Every­thing is com­plete at every stage, while at the same time is mov­ing with time toward a state of ‘more com­plete.’ This is a dif­fi­cult concept.

Think about build­ing a bridge. At every stage, each step – say, set­ting the pylons into the riv­er – is ‘com­plete’ as it pro­gress­es. When they are dig­ging the hole, that’s it – they are dig­ging. Then, mix­ing con­crete. Then, pour­ing con­crete. Each step is, in its moment, a whole. In terms of each step’s ‘bridge-ness,’ it is also part of that process.

Thus, how it is right now is what to focus on – not how you wish it was, nor about how it used to be. Ele­gant, Inti­mate Relat­ing is about liv­ing ful­ly in the present moment.

Elegant, Intimate Relating is All about Intent

Ele­gant relat­ing requires find­ing new ways of see­ing and pro­cess­ing what is happening.

This is best accom­plished by hav­ing a clue as to what I am try­ing to accom­plish (my Intent,) all the time. Oth­er­wise I will find that I am going off half-cocked.

So, if my goal is to relate with hon­esty and inti­ma­cy, any behav­iour that does not facil­i­tate this goal must be stopped as it emerges.

Exam­ple: Abso­lutist phras­ing (“You are (always, nev­er, every time, right wrong, etc.) doing…”) leads to fight­ing about whether the absolute is ‘true.’ It’s also lim­it­ing, dis­re­spect­ful, and leads back to “I’m right and you need to see things my way.”

Once I know this, I can stop myself from mak­ing absolute state­ments, and say instead, “I’m notic­ing (what­ev­er) and I won­der what’s going on for you.”

Good com­mu­ni­ca­tors will ask their part­ner, “What was your intent in ask­ing me that?” It’s also a legit­i­mate ques­tion for you to ask your­self. Just don’t stop too soon. Because intent is often not what you first think it is

Intent has to be expressed with total hon­esty. Hid­ing your inten­tions leads down a path we’d best avoid.

We’ll be flesh­ing out these con­cepts in the Tools Sec­tion, but I trust you’re get­ting an inkling about how dif­fer­ent The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever. is from a ‘nor­mal’ rela­tion­ship. We’re going to con­tin­ue to flesh out the con­cepts – next up – let’s talk about Dialogue.

The key to elegant relating is dialogue

Ongo­ing dia­logue is a hard choice, and is select­ed by per­haps 5% of cou­ples. Open, hon­est, vul­ner­a­ble dia­logue leads to a sense of alive­ness, vibra­tion and vibran­cy, and ener­gized liv­ing. Its char­ac­ter­is­tics are curios­i­ty, pas­sion, integri­ty, and co-creativity.

My goal is to support you as you create a deep and satisfying relationship  —  the best relationship ever had– and most importantly, to show you how Elegant, Intimate Relating holds up a mirror  —  you become the best person you can possible be.

The. Best. Rela­tion­ship. Ever.

Available formats:

** Paper­back: 220 pages
** E‑book dig­i­tal down­loads
** PDF Download 

* Pub­lish­er: The Phoenix Cen­tre Press
(Feb­ru­ary 14, 2013)
* Lan­guage: Eng­lish
ISBN: Book  —  978–09877192‑3–2

More Infor­ma­tion, Reviews  —  Sam­ple Chapter 

Purchase Options

Paper­back: $20.00, E‑Book dig­i­tal edi­tions $2.99, PDF down­load $4.00


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Pur­chase dig­i­tal ver­sions (Apple, Nook, Kobo, etc.) from this page

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I could go on and on with reasons to purchase The Best Relationship Ever, but here’s the point: You need to prove to yourself that you can experience your own personal miracle.

Do it today!


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